While I remember being a “handful” as a child, my parents recollect that I was basically born an adult in a baby’s body. My father told me about an insurance commercial where a kid comes in to his parents’ bedroom while they relax in bed at night, confesses to a small fender bender, tells them he’s called the insurance company and then describes his “punishment” while they calmly listen without having to tell him to do anything. My father said that was me.

To that end, I am not sure why it surprises me how irritated I get with supposedly smart people doing really dumb stuff or just putting out work that demonstrates a deep lack of studiousness belying their position in the culture or their job. Maybe it’s because I don’t feel like I am a middle-aged man (save, of course, the random noises my joints make doing normal things like urinating or yawning — seriously, I’m barely moving and you can hear my joints crack in another room?).

Maybe its because I am normally not a grumpy person. I soothe myself in the car driving when people go slowly by reminding myself those drivers might be older folks like my parents or a new driver. I make a conscious effort to be grateful for all the things I have and recognize that not everyone has my advantages.

But what the fuck is up with gigantic tech corporations like Apple and Microsoft — relatively reputable companies — who make billions in profit putting out some of the most insidiously inane garbage one can imagine and actually advertising their half-solid fecal detritus  as if it were “one more thing“. Like, I remember getting upset about some things Apple did when Steve Jobs was around … but not like the last 10 years and not with the same frequency. And when Microsoft announced they would finally kill Internet Explorer, I was only mildy upset that it took until THIS YEAR for them to finish the job. Yet somehow, Microsoft created AzureDB. It’s like they heard of some vaguely surprising flavor combination (say cheese and honey) and decided: We should promote people eating honey with EVERYTHING! Between Apple trying to gaslight loyal users by removing MagSafe (one of the singularly most useful and elegant innovations for laptops ever created) from their entire lineup for YEARS and then adding it to iPhones as if to tell MacBook Pro users to go fuck ourselves; between that and realizing that somehow a huge portion of the population decided it was entirely OK to PAY for devices that are constantly listening to us: I don’t even know where to start.

So that’s why I started this blog. I have a horrible tendency to just “go off” on a topic in not-entirely-appropriate situations and while many find it entertaining, it does not purge the demons of hate and anger boiling up inside me. Maybe this will.